I love hearing about what my kids learn at school – even when it’s pre-k and toddler “school.” This article in Parents magazine argues that parents who insist on educational activities at daycare instead of unstructured play and socialization, may be leading to too much sedentary time.
Do you know how much playtime your kids get at school?
Does the amount seem right to you?
Parents are so conflicted about daycare. They want their child to be stimulated, socialized, well-adjusted. We also need to time to fulfill our own obligations – as employees, business owners, individuals. But we also know childhood is fleeting and we wonder, “am I pushing my child out into the world too soon?”
Each parent will find their own answer to that. And for those that choose daycare, that first day can be horrible or wonderful. Read about a wonderful day here, at Sara’s blog.
Sticking to routines is important with young children, but my husband and two younger boys were stuck in a terrible routine. I’d get our oldest on the bus to elementary school and he would take the preschooler and toddler to daycare. Like clockwork, they’d both cry and cling to him during drop off. Frustrated, fed up and fatigued he finally asked me if we could switch things up.
I agreed to do the drop-offs with him and for the next week or so, I would take either the toddler or preschooler to the classroom and we’d have a loving, sometimes reluctant, but not traumatic drop-off.
How we talk to others teaches our kids a lot
What was the reason for this change?
After a bit of thought, I made a guess that it had to do with my willingness to talk to anyone, anytime. I talked to the teachers during drop off about our morning, mentioned funny things the kids had done or said, asked questions about the day’s plans, and generally broke the ice for my boys. I also modeled the attitude that the teachers were people I enjoyed talking to, that I trusted, that were in our circle of friends.
My husband, an incredible dad, totally loving and nurturing, is a lot quieter than I am and less likely to volunteer information or engage in random chatter.
He agreed that my theory – me talking with the teachers helped make the boys more relaxed at drop off – had good points.
“But how,” he said, “am I going to make it work for me without changing my entire personality?”
“You don’t have to change your entire personality,” I said. “You just need to act like me for about 10 minutes and your day will start much happier.”
12Most.com ran this blog post from Angela Maiers in September 2011 highlighting twelve things children want from teachers. To me, it’s a lot more global – these twelve items could improve communication and respect between almost anyone. Take a look and tell me what you think could be added to this list – or if nothing should be added at all!
A daycare teacher with over twenty years experience recently wrote me this note:
“A child had a lot of very yucky bowel movements one day. This child stayed home sick for 2 days. His mother apologized when they returned to school and brought us teachers a box of goodies from the bakery!“
This teacher obviously really appreciated the kind gesture from the mother. Not too long ago, one of my children vomited all over a daycare teacher. Of course I got the call in the middle of the day to come pick him up, and when I learned she had to borrow an entire outfit of clothes because her own clothes were just gross, I felt pretty bad. I picked her up a gift card, nothing too fancy, but sent in with a note of apology and a quick thanks for taking care of my son until I could get to daycare.
I asked some parents if they’ve ever sent in an “apology gift” to daycare teachers when their child has been ill at school. I admit, I was a little surprised at how many parents said no.
Parent 1: “No one has told they’ve been thrown up on but I’m sure there’s been…never given a gift for it though.”
Parent 2: “Now I’m wondering if I should feel guilty for not buying apology gifts for C.’s teachers! She had a lot of GI issues until she was well over a year. I tried to thank them with generous thank you gifts when the girls transitioned from room to room.”
Parent 3: “Nope and K. throws up all the time. Goes with the job. Patients dont buy apology gifts for vomit…etc”
Many daycares do not require that children apologize when they’ve hurt another child. The idea is that a forced “sorry” becomes routine and meaningless. I respect that perspective, but part of me wonders how children will learn to say they are sorry, even if they do something by accident, unless someone encourages them and reminds them that our society expects people to apologize for causing someone else distress, whether it’s intentional or not.
Parent 3′s comment reminds us that many other professions encounter bodily fluids and often go unappreciated and don’t get apologies or apology gifts. But I argue there’s a difference between a nurse dealing with bodily fluids from a patient and a daycare teacher who deals with your child’s illness. You and your child are involved in a long-term relationship with that daycare teacher. Finding ways to show respect for each other is essential to keeping the relationship positive and productive. Certainly long-term care nurses develop relationships with their patients, and perhaps it’s a problem they DON’T receive more apologies and signs of gratitude from their patients.
Many teachers don’t expect this kind of treatment, but do you feel it helps the relationship? Or is it unnecessary?
I was invited to call in to Total Education Network recently and share some of the common questions parents have about communicating with their daycare teachers. You can listen to our discussion of how daycare teachers talk to dads differently here. My participation begins at 30:20.
What kind of day did your child have?
I read the daily sheets, but I don’t always read them carefully until I get home. Pick-up is hectic so I can only give them a quick scan. But really, they are an essential tool for making your daycare better. Let’s check out a scenario sent by ”Carrie,” a mom of 3 in Maryland, who realized an important request of hers wasn’t really being met, despite what she saw written on the daily sheet.
The only thing that I’ve had to talk to a teacher about more than once was A.’s naps last year. Although A. would sleep for 2 hours if you let her, we wanted her to be woken up after no more than an hour since she’d have a hard time going to bed otherwise. For the first 1-2 weeks in the [preschool]class, we kept seeing discrepancies between the nap time written on her daily activity sheet, the length of time we were told she slept, and her bedtime behavior. The first couple of times, I just casually asked the teacher about it as I was saying goodbye to A. There weren’t many other kids in the room at that time so it wasn’t taking the teacher away from anything.
When A. was still not falling asleep easily, I sort of “played dumb” and asked the teacher if she was concerned about anything during the day. I commented that A. must just be a little “out of sorts” because it sounded like she was being woken up from her naps but was still up late at night. The discrepancies quickly resolved and I never had to blatantly say, “I think someone’s not waking her up as we’ve repeatedly asked.” I knew that the teacher was often on her break during part of nap time so it wasn’t necessarily even her that was forgetting. Anyway, we’ve not had that problem since.
By reading the daily sheet, Carrie was attempting to confirm that her preschooler wasn’t napping longer than an hour. She had verbal conversations with the teacher, who acknowledged the request. The big gap in communication here, as I see it, was that teachers go on breaks and aren’t always there to fulfill your verbal requests. One solution is to remember that the daily sheet is a two-way communication tool. If there is a chance the main teacher is going to be on a break when you want your child to wake-up, jot it down on the daily sheet. Sure, you may have to write it every day for two weeks, but I would rather do that than fight with a preschooler at bedtime every night for two weeks. This way, any teacher who is in the room should get the information and you don’t have to worry about whether your request is forgotten in the middle of a busy day.
Stay in touch with teachers in many different ways. Help them help your child so that each day so you are seeing positive results.
