I love hearing about what my kids learn at school – even when it’s pre-k and toddler “school.” This article in Parents magazine argues that parents who insist on educational activities at daycare instead of unstructured play and socialization, may be leading to too much sedentary time.
Do you know how much playtime your kids get at school?
Does the amount seem right to you?
Parents are so conflicted about daycare. They want their child to be stimulated, socialized, well-adjusted. We also need to time to fulfill our own obligations – as employees, business owners, individuals. But we also know childhood is fleeting and we wonder, “am I pushing my child out into the world too soon?”
Each parent will find their own answer to that. And for those that choose daycare, that first day can be horrible or wonderful. Read about a wonderful day here, at Sara’s blog.
Sticking to routines is important with young children, but my husband and two younger boys were stuck in a terrible routine. I’d get our oldest on the bus to elementary school and he would take the preschooler and toddler to daycare. Like clockwork, they’d both cry and cling to him during drop off. Frustrated, fed up and fatigued he finally asked me if we could switch things up.
I agreed to do the drop-offs with him and for the next week or so, I would take either the toddler or preschooler to the classroom and we’d have a loving, sometimes reluctant, but not traumatic drop-off.
How we talk to others teaches our kids a lot
What was the reason for this change?
After a bit of thought, I made a guess that it had to do with my willingness to talk to anyone, anytime. I talked to the teachers during drop off about our morning, mentioned funny things the kids had done or said, asked questions about the day’s plans, and generally broke the ice for my boys. I also modeled the attitude that the teachers were people I enjoyed talking to, that I trusted, that were in our circle of friends.
My husband, an incredible dad, totally loving and nurturing, is a lot quieter than I am and less likely to volunteer information or engage in random chatter.
He agreed that my theory – me talking with the teachers helped make the boys more relaxed at drop off – had good points.
“But how,” he said, “am I going to make it work for me without changing my entire personality?”
“You don’t have to change your entire personality,” I said. “You just need to act like me for about 10 minutes and your day will start much happier.”
12Most.com ran this blog post from Angela Maiers in September 2011 highlighting twelve things children want from teachers. To me, it’s a lot more global – these twelve items could improve communication and respect between almost anyone. Take a look and tell me what you think could be added to this list – or if nothing should be added at all!
A daycare teacher with over twenty years experience recently wrote me this note:
“A child had a lot of very yucky bowel movements one day. This child stayed home sick for 2 days. His mother apologized when they returned to school and brought us teachers a box of goodies from the bakery!”
This teacher obviously really appreciated the kind gesture from the mother. Not too long ago, one of my children vomited all over a daycare teacher. Of course I got the call in the middle of the day to come pick him up, and when I learned she had to borrow an entire outfit of clothes because her own clothes were just gross, I felt pretty bad. I picked her up a gift card, nothing too fancy, but sent in with a note of apology and a quick thanks for taking care of my son until I could get to daycare.
I asked some parents if they’ve ever sent in an “apology gift” to daycare teachers when their child has been ill at school. I admit, I was a little surprised at how many parents said no.
Parent 1: “No one has told they’ve been thrown up on but I’m sure there’s been…never given a gift for it though.”
Parent 2: “Now I’m wondering if I should feel guilty for not buying apology gifts for C.’s teachers! She had a lot of GI issues until she was well over a year. I tried to thank them with generous thank you gifts when the girls transitioned from room to room.”
Parent 3: “Nope and K. throws up all the time. Goes with the job. Patients dont buy apology gifts for vomit…etc”
Many daycares do not require that children apologize when they’ve hurt another child. The idea is that a forced “sorry” becomes routine and meaningless. I respect that perspective, but part of me wonders how children will learn to say they are sorry, even if they do something by accident, unless someone encourages them and reminds them that our society expects people to apologize for causing someone else distress, whether it’s intentional or not.
Parent 3’s comment reminds us that many other professions encounter bodily fluids and often go unappreciated and don’t get apologies or apology gifts. But I argue there’s a difference between a nurse dealing with bodily fluids from a patient and a daycare teacher who deals with your child’s illness. You and your child are involved in a long-term relationship with that daycare teacher. Finding ways to show respect for each other is essential to keeping the relationship positive and productive. Certainly long-term care nurses develop relationships with their patients, and perhaps it’s a problem they DON’T receive more apologies and signs of gratitude from their patients.
Many teachers don’t expect this kind of treatment, but do you feel it helps the relationship? Or is it unnecessary?
I was invited to call in to Total Education Network recently and share some of the common questions parents have about communicating with their daycare teachers. You can listen to our discussion of how daycare teachers talk to dads differently here. My participation begins at 30:20.
What kind of day did your child have?
I read the daily sheets, but I don’t always read them carefully until I get home. Pick-up is hectic so I can only give them a quick scan. But really, they are an essential tool for making your daycare better. Let’s check out a scenario sent by “Carrie,” a mom of 3 in Maryland, who realized an important request of hers wasn’t really being met, despite what she saw written on the daily sheet.
The only thing that I’ve had to talk to a teacher about more than once was A.’s naps last year. Although A. would sleep for 2 hours if you let her, we wanted her to be woken up after no more than an hour since she’d have a hard time going to bed otherwise. For the first 1-2 weeks in the [preschool]class, we kept seeing discrepancies between the nap time written on her daily activity sheet, the length of time we were told she slept, and her bedtime behavior. The first couple of times, I just casually asked the teacher about it as I was saying goodbye to A. There weren’t many other kids in the room at that time so it wasn’t taking the teacher away from anything.
When A. was still not falling asleep easily, I sort of “played dumb” and asked the teacher if she was concerned about anything during the day. I commented that A. must just be a little “out of sorts” because it sounded like she was being woken up from her naps but was still up late at night. The discrepancies quickly resolved and I never had to blatantly say, “I think someone’s not waking her up as we’ve repeatedly asked.” I knew that the teacher was often on her break during part of nap time so it wasn’t necessarily even her that was forgetting. Anyway, we’ve not had that problem since.
By reading the daily sheet, Carrie was attempting to confirm that her preschooler wasn’t napping longer than an hour. She had verbal conversations with the teacher, who acknowledged the request. The big gap in communication here, as I see it, was that teachers go on breaks and aren’t always there to fulfill your verbal requests. One solution is to remember that the daily sheet is a two-way communication tool. If there is a chance the main teacher is going to be on a break when you want your child to wake-up, jot it down on the daily sheet. Sure, you may have to write it every day for two weeks, but I would rather do that than fight with a preschooler at bedtime every night for two weeks. This way, any teacher who is in the room should get the information and you don’t have to worry about whether your request is forgotten in the middle of a busy day.
Stay in touch with teachers in many different ways. Help them help your child so that each day so you are seeing positive results.
Our center is currently applying for Keystone STARS and shooting for a 4 Star ranking. I hope they succeed, because they are a terrific center and pay a lot of attention to meeting the needs of the children and their families. I have read the STARS levels several times and thought I had a pretty good idea of what was evaluated. Teachers and directors are required to attend professional development classes, benefits are supplied to staff, learning activities are available for the children. But I didn’t know how specific some of the requirements actually are.
Did you know that STARS requires
One criterion for a high STARS ranking is “increased parental involvement.” Since the specifics about toy requirements weren’t listed on the website, I couldn’t get a clear idea of what STARS hopes to see in terms of parental involvement, but I am going to do some investigating to learn more.
How would you evaluate parental involvement?
CNN.com is jumping on the back-to-school bandwagon with this article from Oprah.com. I like a lot of the ideas in this piece. One thing that frustrates me is the title of the link “38 easy ways to get involved in your child’s classroom.” If there are 38 ways to do something, is it really that easy?
It’s worth a read, but remember the short and sweet answer is communication. Keep in touch even if you have to force yourself to change your reclusive behavior. If you can’t do it for your own happiness and lower anxiety, do it for your child’s!
Here’s the link and here’s the article:
(OPRAH.com) — The relationship between teachers and parents is an extremely powerful component in student success. Yet so many parents go through the school year without communicating with the teacher or understanding what to do (or avoid) to make the most of the year.
So we went straight to the source and spoke with a teacher willing to reveal it all. Third-grade teacher Stacey Nelson is a devoted and successful educator in Tennessee, and on behalf of teachers across the country, she shared several things teachers wish parents knew before sending their children to school.
It boils down to three general guidelines: respect the teacher, be involved and be organized.
Oprah.com: The dos and don’ts of a successful school year
Respect the Teacher
• Remember that the teacher is on your side. Teachers truly care about your children and want them to be successful. “The child’s success is our success,” explains Nelson. If your child’s teacher contacts you about a problem or something that happened at school, understand that the teacher is trying to work with you to resolve any conflicts that may be getting in the way of your child’s success. You’re all on the same team.
• Trust in the teacher’s feedback. Just because a child doesn’t exhibit a particular behavior at home doesn’t mean he doesn’t exhibit that behavior in the classroom. So if a teacher reports a particular behavior that you haven’t seen before, don’t rush to say, “Well, I’ve never seen him do that.” The classroom and home environments are quite different, and oftentimes children behave differently when forced to follow rules and work with peers. Listen to what the teacher has to say and work with him/her to find a solution.
• Don’t show up for a meeting unannounced. It’s great if you want to meet with a teacher to discuss an issue or chat about your child, but don’t show up at school without any warning. Instead, schedule a time to meet — not only does this show that you respect the teacher’s time, but it also gives him/her time to prepare for the meeting and provide you with everything you want to know.
• Don’t go over the teacher’s head. If you’re having an issue with the teacher, your child, the subject matter or the classroom in general, talk directly with the teacher before going to the principal or other administrators. “Ninety-five percent of the time, a problem can be resolved between the teacher and parent with a simple phone call,” Nelson says.
Oprah.com: Key people to know in your child’s school
Be Involved
• Check children’s agendas and take-home folders every night. According to the National PTA, talking with your children is one of the most critical steps of healthy parenting. “Communication is key,” Nelson agrees. Not only does this help you stay on top of updates and what’s going on in the classroom, but it also shows your child that you are checking in.
• Check on homework regularly — but don’t do it for the child! It’s important to review your child’s homework, but if she gets an answer wrong, take the time to help her understand why. “Please don’t just tell her the right answer,” Nelson says. “That defeats the purpose of homework!”
• Address behavior issues at home. “Children don’t enjoy getting in trouble,” Nelson says. “So when they come home and tell you about how mean the teacher is, keep in mind they may be telling the story in a way that they won’t get punished.” If this happens, try to get to the heart of the issue and uncover the facts so you can address it.
• Go to Open House Night. A good parent-teacher relationship leads to a good student-teacher relationship, so don’t skip the open house! “In the past, I’ve had parents that I have honestly never met in an entire school year,” Nelson says. “It’s a sad fact.” Use the open house as a time to get to know the teacher, ask questions, uncover expectations, address problems and find out what’s going on in the classroom. Education.com tip: Ask the important questions first, in case time runs out.
Oprah.com: 38 easy ways to get involved in your child’s classroom
Be Organized
• Establish a regular routine each night. This includes having children pack their backpacks the night before, to make sure they have everything they need for school the next day. “The number one thing my students tell me is, ‘My homework is done, but I left it sitting on the table,'” Nelson says. A simple evening routine can prevent this and prevent children from feeling rushed or disorganized in the morning.
• Cut down on chaos and clutter at home. If your home life is disorganized, this can carry over into the classroom and make learning more difficult for the child. “When a child walks into my classroom, I can tell by the look on his face what kind of morning he had and what kind of day it will be,” Nelson says. Simple things like keeping a tidy home, an organized homework desk and a clean bedroom can help the child feel prepared and focused on the day ahead.
A few days ago at pick-up time I met a new teacher who had just joined my toddler’s classroom. I shook her hand and repeated her name, out loud, three times. That’s an old trick to help me remember important things. After observing my behavior, the other teacher said, “I’ve had parents that didn’t know my name for months, and then called me by my wrong name.”
One of the first things we do when a child is born is give them a name. Names matter when you are building a relationship.
Her comment frustrated me and motivated me. I was frustrated by the basic rudeness of not bothering to learn the name of a person you see every day. I was also frustrated with the parenting style of anyone who would drop their son or daughter off with a caregiver whose name they didn’t know. That seems ridiculous.
I was motivated because I think there are ways to address this. I’m hoping our center will post photos of the teachers with their names so parents (and grandparents) can have quick reminders of the names of the many caregivers who are with our children each day. I am sure there are other ways we can help parents learn and remember teachers’ names. Please share your ideas!
This conversation also inspired me to share a letter from a very experienced teacher who works in Denver, CO. Her comments also reflect how often parents don’t try to, or care to, learn the names of their children’s teachers.
Working with kids these past years, I’ve come across many parents that I’ve enjoyed and those who I could care less if I saw them again. It all boils down to who takes the time to know who their child spends their day with and those who don’t even know your name. Speaking of names, its quite important. I’ve always made it an effort to know all of my parents names and greet them every morning and evening by such.
I like it when people call me by my name..it makes me feel important, that I’m respected and thought of. I’ve had a parent who totally called me by a wrong name and all this time truly thought that was my real name. Needless to say she was embarrassed and I was a bit hurt..like geez..I spend all day with your child and you don’t even know my name. Goes to show, she never really knew how I was doing, how my day went, what I did over the wknd…she didn’t even take the time to know my name. Karen, Denver, CO.
ourbetterdaycare 